Null Guardians Can Catch The Flu
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Hey, let's go with it. For the sake of random tragedy, let us go with it.


I do not own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim to. The mighty Vilgax can catch human germs for the sake of a throwaway end joke, why not have beings created by the Galvan catch a basic human flu, and tragically die from it, for the sake of tragedy. And let's make it six pages, for the sake of asserting quantity somehow makes you a great writer. Even if everything else in the content is terrible.

D'Void woke up to ugly, persistent hysterical sobbing. He ran to his specialized baby crib he had in his posh, cake filled mansion in the Null Void, in which he lived, every day, obsessing over two to three baby Null Guardians, which existed, for the sole purpose of sobbing hysterically, and sometimes dying, and nothing more, beyond being annoying.

"Hang on, my babies! Daddums is here! Or Grand-Daddums! Whatever the fuck I am considering myself to you, for reasons unknown, other than a severe case of HOLY FUCK BALLS tradicuklus Author didn't even care Appeal," he sobbed. He petted them on their ugly little bellies. "I am so CONCERNED over you, though you don't get any special treatment, because you are not in any way, Mary Sues. Right!"

The sobbed and cried, and sobbed, and cried, and cried, and sobbed.

"Wait, what the hell do you want?" D'Void questioned. "I know nothing about Null Guardian biology, except that they cry an awful damn lot, and die easily, often in stupid ways, before turning into ghost-vampires, sometimes. This dimension is fucking weird."

The baby-things scream-sobbed louder. They began to chew on the crib's railings.

"Hey, don't do that! That cost me a fortune," D'Void yelled. "Okay, I'll go get you some cake. Babies like cake."

D'Void wandered aimlessly, until he came to a irrelevant part of detail that had been written, but could have been left out of the already ridiculous story. Writing is hard. Writing well is even harder.

"Okay, my babies! I'll see you laters," he said, before stepping out. "Now I will wait here while the narration spends time reiterating the canon plot of Voided, and also the current, and future events, because writing is hard! And I don't know how to do anything, beyond painful expository dumping." D'Void clutched his stomach suddenly. "Like I'm sure I'll be doing in a few minutes! I shouldn't have had all those burritos." He ran to the his solid gold toilet, which he had, in the NULL VOID.

"Line of explanatory dialogue, repeatedly stating how I am observing what my giant inter-dimensional bore does, how it will rip a hole between dimensions, how I will leave the Null Void, and go conquer the Earth, with my army, whoops, I mean FAMILY, of precious Null Guardians! Writing is so hard! Either that, or I am expecting my audience to be complete morons, and treating them as such," D'Void stated. Perhaps it wasn't so much the audience, as the writer themself. Aherm.

One of the slave dudes started hacking and coughing. He sneezed into the Null Guardian's gills as it passed. The Null Guardian began to shriek. D'Void gasped. It was his precious original Sue. He ran to her, and threw himself onto her body.

"Oh, no! My poor baby! Now you have become diseased!" he screamed. He threw out his hand at the offending, ill slave, who had tainted his precious thing, and yelled, "UNCLEAAAAAN!"

"But it's just a mild allergy I have to kormite," the slave offered innocently.

D'Void beat him to death with a rock.

"Oh, dear horrible OC Null Guardian, who I am forever attached to," began D'Void, "But will provide no special treatment for, constantly, ever, even though I do, constantly, and you are not a Sue in any way, not like those other idiots from this fandom, and others, cough cough, Saturdays, cough, your other hellspawn babies are sobbing for cake, or something, I don't know. You're also a woman, so by default, you love babies. Go help me out?"

The original Sue scream-sobbed. She went to go take better care of the babies than D'Void could. He ran effeminately with her, to the crib. He watched the original Mother Sue Null Guardian pick up the fucking babies, like a motherly mother, and hold them, or some such cutesty, though painfully ridik-donk-diculus shit. She pulled out a bottle, stuffed some cake into it, and began to feed the baby-Sues until they shut up for five minutes.

But, tragically, don't you know...

She started vomit-sneeze-coughing onto them, thereby passing all those hideous germs. Oh no.

The baby-things began to sob-whine hysterically.

D'Void farted in shock. "Oh NO, now they're all TAINTED!" He ran around in a panic stricken circle, until he tripped over his own cape, and fell. "Germs! We're all gonna die!"

All of the Null-things began puke-sobbing hysterically, along with D'Void.

"Well, we might as well get comfortable. We've got about five more chapters to go before we inevitably kick the bucket," he said. He gave his not Mary Sue babies special treatment when he placed their specially created special baby toys they had in their special little crib into their tentacles, because obviously, these beastly, canonically half brain dead simple minded creatures, can do shit like that. It's cute. They began barf-cooing-whining, like the damn babies they are. Babies. Cute. Right.

And the parody author drank another long shot of Irish Cream.

One of the babies began to die more fastly than everyone else. D'Void sobbed hysterically, while rushing to her side, to avoid giving her any more special treatment.

"I don't know anything about your species, nor your anatomy, nor bodily chemistry, but I shall deduce that you now have the FLU!" he cried.

The creature sobbed hysterically, for hours. That's all it can really do, besides attempt to look cute to a nonexistent audience that worships baby!Sue fic, and be hilariously annoying to everyone else, and do nothing beyond derail the story into painful absurdity.

The Null Guardian kept on crying.

"Null Guardians can CRY!" D'Void yelled. He began to dance around in a circle, with his arms out, like a propeller. "Nothing makes sense here!"

The other baby-thing hugged the other baby-thing. D'AAAAWW! Fucking for seriously, please, they've been canonically established as being dumb as hell. There's no way they'd be doing anything, beyond making their guttural noises, attacking on command, giving rides, and toiling bulk loads like pack mules. Come on already.

"AWWW, SO CUTE! SO LOVE!" D'Void cooed at them. He pulled out his digital camera, and began taking pictures. He would upload them later on, to his Tumblr. "You're not special in any way, but I consider you my fucking GRANDDAUGHTERS, even though you're wild, mindless, ugly beasts who are meant to serve me, and do my explicit bidding, in that one episode, where I got to be an actual threat for about fifteen minutes, and then you eventually ran off when I lost control, due to not having any more kormite power, but FUCK IT, let's assert the fact that you're my slave-army out of devoted, unconditional love, and not that I am using my increased control over animals to control you, en mass."

They screamed, loud enough to shatter the space-time continuum.

"Let's go to another bedroom that I have, in the Null Void!" D'Void stated happily.

The baby-thing in his arms shrieked and sobbed uncontrollably. Also, hysterically. It was holding its happy little special, but not at all special, stuffed toys. Fucking STUFFED TOYS. He took another set of pictures of the baby-thing holding its precious little stuffed toys.

"I will now proceed to do more lines of explanatory dialogue, about stuff that happened, but we didn't see, because writing is hard," D'Void stated monotonously. "I WUV NULL GUARDIANS! THEY ARE MY FAMILY! WE ARE ALL IN LOVE! WRITING IS HARD! THEY ARE NOT GIVEN SPECIAL TREATMENT! THIS IS COMPLETELY IN CHARACTER! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW, OR ITS CANON! NOT LIKE I DO!" he yelled, in severely loud capslock.

This was an entire chapter.

The ugly Null-beasts kept on crying, and D'Void kept on showing versus telling, and doing more exposition, and relatively nothing of any significance, beyond author appeal cute baby not Mary Sue attention whoring paragraphs, after paragraphs.

"You can have all these cuddly-wuddle stuffy toys, my precious baby-puke," D'Void cooed to his babies. "You SO CWUTE!" He giggled, like a teenage girl. "I am so in character right now."

He went to check on another Null-thing, but tragically, despite it's Sue status, it had died of severe flu plot poisoning.

"Oh no, not a TRAGEDY!SUE!" he cried. He began to tear up before tearing up, then sobbing hysterically. "NOT MY BABBYS! Now I'm down one." He sniffled."Oh cruel fate, why are you trying to take away my Mary Sues?"

It wasn't like he could spare a few dozen, the stingy fucker.

The first Sue-thing came up and sobbed hysterically next to D'Void, who was sobbing hysterically, until a river had formed around them both. Extensive references to my dacryphilia.

The other baby-thing couldn't stand being without the other baby-thing, so it picked up a knife, and committed seppuku. That's suicide, for the nonweeaboonese in the audience. It tragically died.

D'Void sobbed even more hysterically. "SUICIDE PACTS, ALL AROUND! SO TRAGIC!"

He looked over to the side, where the mother Sue had picked up a gun. She placed it to her temple...thing...side of the head place...where the brain could have been, if it indeed had one, and pulled the trigger.

D'Void sobbed harder. He was now all alone.

"I want to be a ghost!" he cried out. He grabbed a razor and slit his wrists in the tub, while Evanescence played on the radio.

He died. But he became a zombie instead, and could not pass along to the Astral Plane, where his Null Guardian Sue Waifu was located on. So he sobbed hysterically, until his eyes fell out, from his body rotting. And then he sobbed hysterically, because he could no longer cry anymore.

The END


End file.
